What to do when you’re frustrated with job searching
“I’m angry but I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way” my client said to me in frustration at the culmination of struggles she’s been experiencing. After being made redundant from work, she worries about how she is going to earn a good wage to support her young children. The Covid crisis has meant she hasn’t had as much contact with her family and friends as she’d like and also her health had deteriorated. “What’s wrong with me?” She says in frustration. “I use to be upbeat and positive, but I find myself anxious and fatigued.”
When people are repeatedly exposed to threats, it can lower their stress tolerance levels. This can make them even more susceptible to triggers of stress and have an adverse effect on people’s wellbeing. Some of the triggers of stress might be environmental, such as the virus crisis, or they could be physical such as having a health issue — stress-related symptoms include difficulty sleeping, gut issues and high blood pressure, while psychological issues include feeling depressed, anxious and tired most of the time.
People struggle to come to terms with loss, whether it’s a job loss or a divorce. Whilst “think more positively” seems like sound advice, it isn’t always helpful. I find that people often feel heard if they are given the space to truly listen and acknowledge their struggles by allowing them to share how they feel.
In the pursuit of happiness, many people seek to be happy and try to avoid experiencing feelings deemed as negative emotions — but what can anger show us? At times, anger can show where our values might have been contravened, or an issue that might be important to us, such as climate change. When we give ourselves permission to notice and witness our feelings, instead of berating ourselves for feeling the way we do which can also make us feel guilty, we let go of judgement of how we should be feeling, something that can be very liberating. As Tara Brach says in her wonderful book, Trust the Gold, “all emotions belong”.
I have some clients who have worked for many, many years in the same organisation, and what they really need is a long overdue holiday break. However, they are so used to working that even when their job has ended, they don’t give themselves a break because they think they ought to be working in some capacity. Otherwise, they feel guilty. Sometimes, you might need to take a step back from the job-hunting situation and ask yourself, “What do I really need at this moment to soothe me?” If your body says “I want a holiday,” then take a holiday. Giving yourself permission to do nothing if you want could help decompress your body after all those years of working hard, and also allow you to take care of yourself. Some people take a 6-month to a year break after leaving an organisation to relax, and it can give them a different perspective on their career direction. Job searching can give you more freedom than you’ve had before. You no longer have to report to management or the business. You have free reign of what you choose to do throughout the day. If it’s a sunny day, you can go outside and soak up the sun. So ask yourself, “What do I really need at this moment in time?” Rather than, “What ought I do?”
Give yourself permission to honour your needs.
Give yourself permission to witness the feeling and say to yourself, “I’m hurt and that’s okay” or “I’m angry and that’s okay”. Often, when you acknowledge the presence of an emotion rather than labelling it as positive or negative, the emotion settles. If it doesn’t and the feeling you are experiencing overwhelms to the point where you are struggling to cope with life, then you may want to seek professional support from your GP or mental health services support.
It can be really hard to find a job if you are experiencing a multitude of challenges. Seek support from others for help. One proactive approach is to list all the things that are worrying you and then get two highlighters. Highlight the ones that are within your control in one colour and the ones not within your control in a different colour. Move the worries outside of your control onto a separate piece of paper and write, “Let it go.” If you can’t do anything about it, there is no reason for you to hold onto it. It’s just extra stuff cluttering your brain and something you can put aside.
Now, look at the list you do have control over and rank it in order of what’s going to have the greatest impact on your life and the things you care about. Choose to work on one or two of your worries at a time and set goals on what you’ll do to address them. Diarise your actions or put them where you can see them. Ask yourself, “Am I committed to these goals?” You might rate between 1- 10, 1 being least committed and 10 being fully committed. If you score yourself 5 or lower, then you aren’t likely to achieve your actions. You might want to ask yourself, “What’s stopping me from getting an 8 or more?” Set yourself the intention, commit, take action and regularly review your progress towards your goals.
