Re-Discovering Your Identity When You Feel Lost
Many years ago when I first started training as a coach, I believed that coaching was more about the present to future-focused state, which involves setting actions and achieving goals. Taking action is the “doing” element of the diagram above. The more I coached, the more I realised that it reveals much more about a person’s beliefs, personal identity, mindset, inner resources and their desires, something I define as “being”.
I notice that when people plan their career/life around existing defined roles, such as a job profession or the archetype of a mother, father, daughter or son, they may play out stereotypes of these roles. However, when people are engaged in the “doing” element of their job or archetype, they can feel dissatisfied if the role doesn’t fully represent how they see themselves. This can create a tension/conflict between who they are — their being — and how they want to show up in the world — their doing.
Some people have spent so long adopting a professional identity and engaging in repeatedly “doing” the behaviours, they can lose sight of themselves. If they can’t identify with the role they’ve adopted, they may become depressed, numb and feel like an observer of their own life rather than an active participant. They may have no idea where to go from here, as they have become accustomed to what they know and anything outside of these boundaries — the unknown — presents itself as a risky place to be. They may ask people what kind of job they should be doing or ask for guidance on what else can they do, because not knowing who they are or what they are meant to be doing can be unsettling and feel uncomfortable.
Since covid-19, people don’t have the distractions that keep them preoccupied in the “doing” mode. Many people find themselves experiencing their emotions much more intensely. For some people, the risk of losing their jobs coupled with the fear of not being able to get a new job is scary. However, this period has given people time to reflect and reassess where they are in life, and re-discover the things they do and don’t like. To put the “doing” on pause, and open up to “being” and listening to their inner voice.
Take time to discover and notice the experiences you are having and any related feelings. Rather than let yourself be consumed by fear of the unknown, use curiosity as your guide into the unknown to discover things from a fresh perspective. By giving yourself permission to have a childlike curiosity and excitement of new things, you will begin to understand yourself better. Practise being present through mindfulness and engaging in activities that give you joy; this will help you to connect with yourself. Be creative, be willing to try out new things and see the world as a playground for exploring and having fun. Change is an opportunity to slow down and re-discover yourself.
